Whenever the subject of Fuckboys come up, I either feel like I know everything about them or absolutely nothing at all. While Urban Dictionary or a simple Google search can offer endless answers, chances are, if you’re reading this post, you already know damn well what a Fuckboy is…and you also want to *shivers* learn how to win them over.
Defining the Fuckboy aka Fuckboiii
To the girl who is in love with the Fuckboy, they might not be a Fuckboy to you. They might just be this kind of guy:
- A guy who means well, but he just makes a lot of mistakes when it comes to dating.
- A guy who likes you and is really sweet, but he’s got too much going on in his life right now to even think about relationships.
- A guy that a lot of girls seem to be going after…it’s not his fault he’s such a catch that he attracts a lot of women.
- A guy who still needs to figure himself out internally, so he doesn’t want anything serious, but still wants to date you at the same time.
- His friends are fuckboys–not him.
Don’t be in denial ya’ll. If you want to truly conquer the Fuckboy, you first MUST acknowledge him for who he is in all his shameful glory. If you don’t know what the definition of a Fuckboy is, here are some of my personal definitions, which I assure you are 1000% accurate lol:
- A fuckboy is a boy who thinks he’s a man, but he’s really not. He’s a sheep in wolve’s clothing. He’s just an embodiment of qualities he mistakenly THINKS are considered manly, such as being a douche, being a player/womanizer, and being disproportionately smug and confident about himself.
- A fuckboy is a guy who bombards you with messages after meeting you once, saying weird ass shit like “you’re the one for me” or “if I were your man, I’d never leave you” or (my personal favorite) “you’re perfect. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
- A fuckboy is a manchild who is clear about NOT wanting anything serious with you, but he will still try to hang out with you in an ambiguous and questionably flirty manner. All the while, he’s posting pics up online with him hanging with a buncha other bitches like that’s normal and cool.
- A fuckboy is a guy who is overwhelmed with too many romantic options, and his greedy ass wants to pick everyone. Or just have sex for the hell of it even if it’s at the risk of leading you on. This kind of fuckboy might also have a large penis–and you’re probably in love with it.
- A fuckboy is a guy who might already be unavailable, he could have a longterm girlfriend, yet he’ll still go after you–regardless of your situation, and act as if he truly wants to be with you.
In a nutshell, a Fuckboy is the “well-intentioned” player who doesn’t mean to hurt you, lead you on, or act like a douche — but he will inevitably do so….and in a dramatic, shocking, assholish, and unpredictable fashion. They are the asshole that refuses to acknowledge he’s an asshole, even though he walks, talks, and breaths bullshit.
Analyzing the Fuckboy
It seems that Fuckboys come in all different shapes and sizes these days. They can be handsome, ugly, young, old, preppy, nerdy, tall, short, fat, scrawny, whatever — these guys just keep evolving. They don’t even have to be charming anymore! They’re just regular ass dudes who seem unattainable. In the past, there were the “players” or the “bad boys,” but those guys grew out of fashion, and with the millennial generation emerged the swaggery, misunderstood Fuckboy.
If you peel back the dapperly-dressed layers of the modern Fuckboy, you’ll oftentimes find a guy who’s deeply insecure about his own life. Also–chances are, he’s probably had his heart broken by a Fuckgirl (will talk about this bitch in my next post), so not committing and acting aloof might just be their defense mechanism against getting hurt again.
It’s almost as if some of these guys heard the term “nice guys finish last” SO MANY TIMES when they were younger, but at the same time, they also didn’t want to be a dickhead–that they seemed to have internalized the two concepts. As a result, they turned into a “sort of asshole” but not a complete one. .. Have I lost you? Lol.
Why am I Writing This Post?
At this point, you Fuckboy-smitten girls are probably wondering….”if this chick hates Fuckboys so much, why is she writing an article about how to win them over?”
Well…I used to be obsessed with Fuckboys. As it turns out, I have quite the talent for attracting these special types of a-holes. Even now!! Except now, they don’t phase me at all. I repeat, FUCKBOYS HAVE NO EFFECT ON ME. In fact, the more fuckboy-ish they act, the less I’m interested.
After 15 years of dating Fuckboys, and even being married to a Fuckboy and Master Manipulating Alcoholic Manchild, it’s safe to say that I’ve had what feels like a lifetime of experience dealing with and observing Fuckboys.
So my simple answer to the WHY is this: ...because I like winning. Behind my kind face and overall helpfulness and sass, I can be quite the spiteful and vindictive bitch who thinks all Fuckboys should go down. But before taking them down, one first needs to know how to win them over.
Therefore, it’s my duty to pass on my knowledge to women who don’t have as much experience dealing with them as I do.
SO…How Do You Win Over the Fuckboy?
STEP 1: Know Yourself, the Good and the Bad
I might have known everything about how to identify a Fuckboy in my early 20s, but I didn’t really know much about myself back then. I wasn’t aware of my behavior, and I wasn’t mindful about the way I portrayed myself.
When I was a young’n, I craved risk, danger, excitement, whirlwind romances, and spontaneity–all of that packaged into one hot guy. I was a sucker for the Fuckboy, and the ones I usually hung around were handsome, popular, charming — and they happened to attract all the ladies.
I was a different kind of girl back then. I was dependent. Needy. Hungry for validation and attention. Insecure. Jealous. Cared WAY too much. Wanted to spend every minute with Fuckboy. I was invested. I was controlling. Suspicious (still suspicious). I was way too nice. I would put my own time aside to spend time with the Fuckboy at the drop of a hat.
Back then, I was able to attract the Fuckboy, but because of those traits listed in the previous paragraph, I was never able to keep them for long. Secret? NO GUY is ever seriously into a girl like that, and if they are — you need to run away from those dudes as fast as you can.
In identifying my positive qualities, I was also very intelligent (school-wise) and extremely accomplished before I was even old enough to drink. I wish my parents woulda told me this when I was growing up, but I was always beautiful enough, smart enough, and good enough. And if a guy cannot see that–he is absolutely not worth it.
STEP 2: Be the Best Version of Yourself
After learning more about yourself, try changing your bad habits and grow your strengths. Keep in mind that fuckboys will still fuck an insecure and dependent girl, but they would NEVER commit to a longterm relationship with one if they can help it. Also, since fuckboys usually like to surround themselves with a lot of other women, you might have some pretty stiff competition. You want stand out from the pack, be a better woman than all of them.
Let’s say you want to be more independent. If you have trouble being alone, try watching a movie in theaters by yourself. Going out to a restaurant on your own. Or maybe even something simple like going to the gym on your own. If you normally need to be with a guy 24/7 or you’re needy af, try spending some quality time with your own friends, add a fun activity to your daily life, or fill up your time doing something meaningful (unrelated to the Fuckboy) for yourself. You might feel self-conscious, lame, and very uncomfortable at first–but I promise you’ll feel more empowered afterwards.
As for acknowledging your strengths. Are you amazing at fashion? Take some steps to create your own fashion empire. Good at decorating? Remake your home. You enjoy reading? Start a book club. There’s no way you’re terrible at everything, and even if you are, it’s not like great people started off being great. Once the Fuckboy sees that you’re doing things that make you happy, growing as a person, and doing YOUR OWN THING, they’ll take notice. They’ll also respect you more for it.
STEP 3: Have Your Own Life Away from Him
Surround yourself with other friends–maybe even *gasp* other guys. When I was younger, I would wait around my house all day, waiting for the Fuckboy to call me. Or maybe I’d even text him first. I would go to work yeah, but in the back of my mind, I’d always wonder if he’d call and ask me out to dinner at his place or mine. My life would revolve around the Fuckboy to the point where I was neglecting invites to hang out with other friends. Sometimes, there’d be an event going on at work, and I’d skip them to hang out with the Fuckboy.
Are you always driving to his place? Are you dropping plans with other people to hang out with him? Have your own life away from the Fuckboy!! AND LET HIM KNOW IT. If he asks you out and you have plans already, SAY NO….and then offer a somewhat vague, future date or DON’T offer an alternate date at all. Most of the time, the Fuckboy will text you back (yes, text). And if he doesn’t? He doesn’t like you–at least not enough.
Remember that HE’S the one who needs to find time in your life. Make that dude work a little. You, my friend, are an in-demand woman who knows who she is, knows how to be strong and independent, and YOU HAVE A LIFE that doesn’t involve doting on this guy who can’t keep his dick in his pants.
If you’ve truly done the first two steps, this step should be easy. The psychology behind this step is simple. Unless that Fuckboy you’re after is actually a Narcissistic asshole, he does not want to be the center of your world. However, if he knows that you might be too busy, or losing interest in him, he’ll sense that — and he’ll try harder. Trust, having your own life is a good thing.
…….And that’s it for now. The second part to this post will be up next week. I’ll go through the last SIX STEPS in How to Win Over a Fuckboy, Part 2. In the meantime, practice the first three steps. If you’re doing it right, you’ll realize those steps take much longer than you’d expect. But I swear, if you follow it and work on yourself — you’ll feel so rewarded afterwards. You’ll also be ready to continue the next steps to winning over the Fuckboy.
If you liked this post, you might also like The Perfect Man Method, which teaches you how to find your perfect guy.
Make him your bitch, girl.