Last year, I was casually dating two guys I really liked, but I was at that point where I needed to decide which one to let go because it was starting to get kinda serious with both.
The first guy…
I was really into. He’s actually the dude I talked about in this post. He was tall, handsome, hardworking, generous, successful, ambitious, intelligent. On the flip side, he was also arrogant, entitled, a bit of a womanizer, a loner, extremely impatient, and materialistic. His successes and good looks inspired me to improve myself, but at the same time, made me feel extremely insecure about both my job and my looks. We got to know each other, and he was in the middle of “changing his ways” for me, but I knew he wasn’t at that point yet where he’d be ready for a real committed relationship.
The second guy…
I met the second guy when I was still getting to know the first dude. We hung out as friends for a bit, and he was basically the opposite of guy #1. He was a simple dude. Isaiah Thomas tall (lol), Clarke Gable handsome, definitely not rich, dropped out of college to help make money for his family, and seemingly content with life. He was very patient, responsible, a great communicator, and always respectful. He made me feel like I was out of his league, and he was always there for me. I could always count on him for that. He didn’t need to change his character–he already had so much of it, but his resume wasn’t really doing it for me.
Me? I’m a hardworking, educated, funny, and an easygoing chick with a shit ton of personality. I was tired of being unhappy about guys, and I wanted to be in a healthy relationship with a man who would grow with me. After dating dudes for so long, you kinda get a sense of what works for you. I wanted a guy who was a hot alpha dream boat but at the same time, I also wanted a humble and sensitive romantic.
Anyways, I experienced the best of both worlds for a couple weeks, but I needed to choose. I would change my mind almost every other day, and I was at a crossroad. WHICH ONE?! It wasn’t until I went through two unfortunate hiccups when I realized which guy was right for me.
I locked myself out of my apartment with my phone and my dog. I didn’t know what to do. No keys, no money, and I couldn’t call an Uber with a dog. I couldn’t feed myself. I didn’t want to pay for a locksmith, and my roommates were at work. I called both guys!
What happened? Guy #1 was at work, but he said that if I could grab an Uber and go to his place until he got off and he’d help figure things out with me. That didn’t really help. Guy #2? He worked a night shift, and was super tired. He was about to go home and take a nap, but when he got my call, he dropped everything, braved through an hour of traffic, picked me up from the dog park, drove me to my realtor’s office for a spare key, and then took me home.
A couple days later…I got food poisoning! I thought I was seriously dying. Puking all over the place, no water AT ALL at home, and I was too unwell to even get out of my bedroom let alone walk my dog and find food.
Guy #1 was at work, but he sent over a container of chicken soup from Postmates. He had plans that night, so he didn’t have time or even offer to come over. Guy #2? Again, he was sleep deprived from catering to my needy self, and was just getting off work. I texted one line that I was sick, and that’s all it took. He came over with a case of water, Gatorade, Pedialyte, medication, and he even walked my dog when I was asleep.
I had my answer staring straight at me. Guy #1 was making an effort, yes, but Guy #2 was just THERE FOR ME. Even though I was giving Guy #2 grief about whether or not we should slow down, take a step back, blah blah, I was basically annoying the shit out of him the entire week — he didn’t care about all that, and he was there for me at the end of the day.
pretty sure this is a picture of two dudes.
So I made a decision…
I began dating Guy #2, who is now my boyfriend. It’s been almost a year, and I’ve been so happy and drama-free. Since we’ve started dating, I’ve started grad school and cemented a solid career. I’ve also grown a lot mentally. Him? He’s starting school again next week, and he’s shown improvement at work enough for them to move him up into corporate. WOO.
My point is, if you’re stuck between choosing a guy like #1 and a guy like #2, go straight down to the nitty-gritty.
- Who are they as people?
- How can they fit into your life?
- Are you spending valuable time stressing out about him or is he going out of his way to de-stress you?
- When you’re at a low point, will he be there for you even if you two are fighting?
- Oh and another question. CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM BEING A GOOD DADDY TO YO BABIES?
I was worried about guy #2’s lack of a resume when I shouldn’t have been. He saw my work ethic, my ambition, and he heard me when I said it was important for me to be with someone who’s completed college. Someone who’s working a job that means something for them. Because he cared about me like that, he actually drew inspiration from me! I helped him grow! He helped me grow as well because he held me down when I was going through my high-stress moments. WOO! We both grew together!
I say this a lot, but where do you think Obama would be without Michelle? I don’t know, but I do know that behind every great man is a great woman. Blah blah blah blah.
Happy Valentine’s Day.